Has not gotten easier

So 26 days ago, I made the ripping my heart out shattering it and stomping on it decision to let my best friend my support be put to sleep. Everyone said it was the right decision, maybe it was (I know it was) and everyone said it would get easier and hurt less with time. No it doesn’t get easier it gets harder and the hurt doesn’t hurt less it hurts more and the empty place that is left in your heart feels like an actual whole. It feels cold dark and lonely but no body tells you that when you have to make that decision you have unbelievable guilt and pain and that you will cry everyday questioning yourself and feeling like you’re the one that gave that precious little family member that shot and when you see them slowly collapse and eyes close they don’t tell you that’s when your heart gets ripped out of your chest. If you are faced with having to make the same decision please get some counseling first because this is going to be one of the darkest moments of your life