Lucky

I found him at the roadside in the trash when he was almost one or two months old. He was sick; he was so little I had to keep him in my sweater because he was always cold. Then, he grew up and got a handsome dog, but he always kept near me; he slept with me and rode in the car with me. We were always together. Then he learned alone to tell me when I had a problem with my sugar before I knew. He woke me up when I had episodes of very low sugar; I am diabetic. He always cared for me. Five years ago, he lost his eyes because of glaucoma, the same glaucoma that I have in my eyes. He was now blind; it was very difficult for him to get used to now depend more on me, than I depending on him. But we got to manage it but and we were closer now.

It was a new adventure now. Then I got very ill and he wasn´t doing well with his heart neither; we cared for each other.  I had fainting episodes but he pulled me with his paw and told me to get into the bed before I fainted. I was on a special diet, and he too; he had chronic gastritis, so I cooked the same food for both of us. I always told him where I was in the house so he could stay on the bed. If he couldn’t hear me, he had a special bark for me; it was my name. In the night, when it was cold, we stuck together and he told the cats to get close to us too. We had rescued all the other dogs and cats we have a home. He was the dad of them.

I miss him so much, he was always there with me; we stuck together and made the day happen. I  can’t get over fourteen and a half years of life together with him. He cared for me more than my children. He was my home. He got a stroke the day before. It was terrible he could move his tongue and his neck and head were stiff. The vet told me there was nothing to to anymore; he was too old to recover. He could with difficulty swallow water I gave him with a syringe. We made it through that night. I had to put him in diapers and his discomfort was terrible; he couldn’t stand up anymore. So the vet suggested it was time. He came home, he gave him euthanasia on the bed, on his place, with the cats and the younger dogs and the puppies we had adopted some months before. There he slept forever. I surrounded his body with my arms, and he closed his eyes in peace.

I have his ashes here now, but although I have the other dogs and cats, I miss him too much. The cats, the older dogs, and the puppies were sad too for about two weeks. Now I sleep alone with the cats. Sometimes the oldest of the puppies, she is now a young adult sleeps a couple of hours with me. But his “space” his presence I miss him so much. He is not there when I feel bad or even to share good news. I always told him; I talked to him and told him everything.  He liked to hear Il Volo and wanted me to sing along. Gende amore was his favorite. When we stuck together and waited for the bad day to go by. He loved more than my own children. He was my everything. I don’t know how to find a new life now. I told him some weeks before, when I got  the feeling something would happen to him, that I wouldn’t know how to live without him, and now that moment is here. I couldn’t be prepared for the moment nor know how to live without him